I am so happy.

I am so content. I'm snuggled into a corner with a warm cup of apple cider, an overcast sky and a pad of paper brimming with scattered ideas, hastily written down so I wouldn't forget them when it came time to write. But I don't mean I'm only content now, at this exact moment. I mean, I'm wholeheartedly content in every way possible.

If you've lived on this green earth for an extended amount of time, which I'm presuming you have if you're reading this, then you've most likely realized to some extent that humanity is terribly, existentially flawed. And as a result of our flaws, we are constantly searching. We never stop seeking, searching, looking, striving for... that one thing, that will bring us satisfaction. I don't presume to have it, or to tell you that you don't have it. That's not my place. I'm just blogging about my week of observations on human nature, not writing a self-help novel. But I am sharing with you a revelation that I deem to be important, even crucial, to this time of my life.

I've seen the finger point at everyone and everything. The blaming usually begins with "The reason our society is..." or "Well, this generation..." These conversations never turn out well and usually end in someone shouting, crying, or both. It's true that our society is not an ideal one. It's true that the state our country is in is not ideal. But was it ever? I've heard more and more from the older generation about the 'glory days', reminiscing about a time where everything was 'better' and 'simpler'. Were we as technologically dependent 50 years ago as we are today? Absolutely not. My parents saw the rise of television, shared telephone lines, and the makings of the internet. They saw cell phones, Wi-Fi and smart phones become widely accessible. They saw much, much more than I have in my short two decades. They didn't rely on technology like we do. And maybe that means that things were simpler. But better?

I have been taught to question everything. I think it's a byproduct of how my generation has been raised, coupled with my pursuit of a liberal arts education. I want to know why, not what. I want to know whether life was 'better' - more enriching - two generations ago, than it is now. I have, in the words of the great Uta Hagen, "an insatiable curiosity about the human condition." Hagen insists that to be a great actor, one must learn not only to face the world, but also to face themselves. Not the flattered, puffed up, image of ourselves, but our raw, harsh, brutal selves - our thoughts, our attitudes and opinions. In short, we must be able to be entirely transparent with ourselves. In an age that is centered around social media, we have become a generation that is extremely prideful. We are obsessed with making our lives seem as appealing as possible on the outside. We've become so reliant on the approval of others, that we hardly know how to survive without it. Social media has become our stand-in, our substitute for reality, and it has devalued much of our human to human interaction and communication. As a result of this, I think the older generation has lost much respect for us. There is an overwhelming majority of young adults who can not hold a meaningful conversation, because they are so used to instant digital communication.

Digital communication - texting in particular - has changed our society incredibly. The ability to reach someone The accessibility of technology has had an immense impact on how we behave. Not only is it the biggest marketing venue ever - as Americans are now convinced that if they don't have the iPhone 5, they are nothing short of worthless - but it is one of the biggest distractions to human kind. I must say, technology has its benefits, and it has many of them. Mankind is more connected to each other now than they ever have been, ideas are spreading like wildfire, and yet, we're constantly distracted. I am amazed at how little focus or patience I have come to have when forced to sit in an hour long math lecture. That's why my focus this week has been one of presence. I'm yearning to be as present as possible at all moments, to keep my focus on my work and on the relationships in my life - because those are the things I can cultivate and in which I find enrichment. And it's difficult. I never realized how much I used my phone as a distraction until now. There is so much to learn and so many other ways I could be spending my time. Budgeting time may be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I'm trying to come to terms with our consumer mindset. I don't need a new wardrobe. I certainly don't need to buy a $200 pair of pants, or an iPad 2, as desperately as I might want them. I'm trying to be wise with my money and my time (and that's something I fail at daily).  But in differentiating between my wants and my needs, I've come to a very solid place.  I began by telling you that I was content. I truly am. Nothing has really changed in my life - I just realized that I was forgetting how immensely blessed I already am. And, that's more than enough reason to be satisfied. I am exactly where I want to be.

Thanks for reading. ♥

-Em